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You Know You Have A Bad Mall Santa When...

He becomes the new cigarette lobby spokesman.
His credentials include a "Playgirl Centerfold".
Instead of saying, “Ho-Ho-Ho,” he exclaims “Oy vey!”
He asks the mothers if they want to sit on his lap.
He refers to the wishing fountain as his “tip jar.”
He will not talk to the kids without a disclaimer.
He asks the kids to leave him milk and ATM cards.
He avoids the food court unless his lawyer is present.
You recognize him as a former NFL star doing Community Service hours.
Before the kids sit on his lap he orders the elves to frisk them.

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