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Merry Xmas
and
A Happy
New Year
Happy Holidays
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Welcome to YourWeb.Info
Online Shopping Mall! | | Christmas is a time for families, fun and festivities! A time for Santa, stars and singing carolers. A time of family gatherings and holiday meals. A time for ornaments, gifts and twinkling lights. Of sleigh rides, hot cocoa and gingerbread cookies. A time for all kinds of Christmas Humor to brighten up those days when it seems so bleak! So bring your kids and tell your friends. And please stop by again. Merry Christmas to everyone and a happy new year to all. |
HOLIDAY GREETINGS FROM
YOURWEB.INFO
CHRISTMAS HUMOR II |
Santa's Reindeer
One, two, three, four, five little reindeer,
Stood by the North Pole gate.
"Hurry, Santa," called the reindeer,
"Or we will all be late."
One, two, three, four, five little reindeer,
Santa said, "Please wait!"
"Wait for three more little reindeer,
"Then we will have eight."
To Much Eggnog
If you see a fat man ...
Who's jolly and cute,
wearing a beard
and a red flannel suit,
and if he is chuckling
and laughing away,
while flying around
in a miniature sleigh
with eight tiny reindeer
to pull him along,
then lets face it...
Your eggnog's too strong!
Santa Claus Stats
There are currently 78 people named S. Claus living in the U.S. -- and one Kriss Kringle
(You gotta wonder about that one kid's parents)
December is the most popular month for nose jobs.
Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby
for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons.
Number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333-ton sleigh: 214,206 -- plus Rudolph.
Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour. With real beard: $20.
To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times
the speed of sound.
At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame instantaneously.
Signs of Christmas Everywhere
Toy Store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."
Bridal Boutique: "Marry Christmas."
Outside a Church: "The original Christmas Club."
At a Department Store: "Big Pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."
A Texas Jeweler store: "Diamond Tiaras -- $70,000. Three for $200,000.
A Reducing Salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."
In a Stationery Store: "For the man who has everything... a calendar to remind him when payments are due."
The American government starts printing its daily threat of nuclear war on Santa's Workshop letterhead.
Short actors start getting work in television commercials.
North Korea starts putting big red bows on its secret shipments of Scud missiles.
The best-selling video game is Blood and Ice: Santa's Revenge.
Amazon.com sends you its traditional Christmas spam.
Cherie Blair tearfully announces that Santa received no favours in return for the gifts he gave her.
Trent Lott pins some mistletoe on his dress sheet.
You find out that some advertising genius has the notion that, yeah, you can be persuaded to buy everyone you know a palmtop.
Elf union organizers are expelled from the North Pole.
People start going crazy after repeated exposure to recordings of "Felíz Navidad".
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| More Christmas |
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